Hilarious True Story about Monkey Poop
HILARIOUS TRUE TRAVELERS TALE ABOUT MONKEY POOP
𝘛𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘒𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘢 𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘤 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘨, 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘔𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘗𝘰𝘱𝘢, 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘔𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘮𝘢𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘺𝘴, 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘗𝘰𝘱𝘢 𝘓𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘢𝘲𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘺𝘴.
"I had just taken the first step when the stench hit me, and looking at the towering staircase above, realized I was about to climb through 2000 feet of monkey poop.
It was everywhere, on the steps, the bannisters, the walls; impossible to go around. Apparently sacred monkeys don’t give a damn about hygiene and while it might sound strange to use both ubiquitous and poop in the same sentence, it is appropriate here. Fortunately, I could also see a vast fleet of tiny women all robed in what might be hazmat suits and all scrubbing like naval swabbies. Either way I had come in search of peace and knowledge and was not about to be defeated by mere feces. As I ascended the first few stairs, I was totally unprepared for one of the scrubbing women to thrust out her hand and demand money; after all, I had paid an entry fee with the implied caveat that it included a poop removal surcharge. But after each step another blue rubber glove shot out at me, all of which I declined until I felt and heard simultaneously the dull thud of a ball of monkey poop striking my posterior.
I wheeled around to confront whichever of the tiny rubber clad maidens had attacked me for failure to pay up and that is when I saw the first monkey. He was big and mean and had a Donald Trump scowl. He was also holding a fist-full of feces that he rolled around in his hands like a pitcher rubbing up a new ball. Just as he let fly in my direction I noticed eight or nine hundred of his compatriots had surrounded me. It did not help that the idiot climbing behind me had opened a large bag of hard candy and was dumping it on the ground so he could take photos of the swarming monkeys. You could hear his scream across the valley as they stripped his camera, watch, and ring; like sharks with blood in the water. I tucked my camera under my shirt, put my head down, and began climbing fast as I could go and thought I might be away from ground zero when the second ball of poop hit me.
Those monkeys were the most efficient crew of pirates I have ever encountered, and that includes the Gypsies of Rome. One had to marvel how they came at you in waves, one distracting you while the others swarm and relieve you of any possession that is not part of your anatomy and then trying to take some that are. They grabbed at my shirt buttons when I had nothing else to offer but I managed to keep my camera under my shirt. They use those same nimble fingers to hurl their feces with major league accuracy."
Source
Comments
Post a Comment